Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
