I wanna passion pit in your ass
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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