my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
