wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
