somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
