That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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