So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
