Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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