No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have already put on my inside pants.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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