Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
