12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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