Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
