My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
