i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize