How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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