I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
