bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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