wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
