Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
