Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
