If you die in college, do you die in real life?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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