i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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