The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
