He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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