Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize