mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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