New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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