i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
