Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
