I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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