we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
