just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
