just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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