I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
