is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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