Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
