maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
