At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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