We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Alive.
So much puke
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
