took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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