isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
