I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
