Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
