idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
