I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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