I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
