I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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