Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
