i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
