I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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