Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The power of my boobs compel you
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize