plz talk dirty to me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
