i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
