I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
