either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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