1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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