I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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