Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize