I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sarcasm needs its own font
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
