it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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