After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
