Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
