I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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