Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
