thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
