Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
