We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You pole danced in your parka.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize