K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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